Here is the section where I will put any quotes from famous celebrities, on their own, or from a movie or TV show. Have fun!

"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear." Norm, 'Cheers'

"This is Johnny's Dead Zone. This is Johnny's Dead Zone on drugs. Scrambled eggs, Johnny." -Bruce, 'The Dead Zone'

"I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with." -Rodney Dangerfield

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home." -Rodney Dangerfield

"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel." -Rodney Dangerfield

"One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'" -Rodney Dangerfield

"It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, and put on a shirt...and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bathtub toys were a radio and a toaster." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I was such an ugly baby...my mother never breast fed me. She said we were just friends." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm so ugly, my father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet." -Rodney Dangerfield

"When I was born...the doctor came into the waiting room...and told my father, 'I'm sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm so ugly...my mother had morning sickness...after I was born." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof." -Rodney Dangerfield

"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I went to see my doctor. I told him, 'Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?' He said, 'I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.'" -Rodney Dangerfield 

"Save the planet?....The planet is fine. The people are fucked." -George Carlin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." -Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." -Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a  number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." -Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." -Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." -George Burns

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." -George Burns

"Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships." -Sharon Stone

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -Barbara Bush

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." -Robert De  Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" -Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men figure, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked!'" -Jerry Seinfeld

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." -Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful, and natural experiences money can buy." -Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life." -Emo Phillip

"I've seen him vacuum the ceiling. You wouldn't find the Prince of Darkness vacuuming the ceiling." -Captain Stottlemeier, "Monk"

"Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a minivan." -'Desperate Housewives'

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when I fall into and open sewer and die." –Mel Brooks

"After every storm, if you look hard enough, a rainbow appears." -Mariah Carey

"Be a winner--be a star. Be happy to be who you are." -Shania Twain

"What will come, will come; you just have to be there to meet it." -J. K. Rowling

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity." -Russell Crowe

"And I'll remember the love that you gave me, now that I am standing on my own, I'll remember the way that you changed me, I'll remember." -Madonna

"If it looks good, you'll se it. If it sounds good, you'll hear it...If it's real, you'll feel it." -Kid Rock

"I cannot be defined by what other people think." -Oprah Winfrey

""Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews." -Patrick (SpongeBob Square Pants)

"Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost, anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost." -Barenaked Ladies

"Delight in your youth." -Pearl Jam

"If a man views the world the same way he did at 20, then he has wasted 30 years of his life." -Muhammad Ali

"The world breaks everyone, and in the end some are strong in the broken places." -EarnestHemingway

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -Mark Twain

"Streetlife serenader never sang on stages, needs no orchestration, melody comes easy, need no vast arrangement to do their harmonizing." -Billy Joel

"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles." -Albert Einstein

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein

"If A is a success in life then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut." -Albert Einstein

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making us believe that he's not real." -Kevin Spacey

"Come hell or water high you'll never see me cry this is our last good bye." -Cher

"I'm not crazy cause I take right pills everyday." -Jimmy Eats World

"You don't have to hold on to the pain to hold on to the memories." -Janet Jackson

"Resolutions are just like rules. They're just made to be broken." -Justin Timberlake

"Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I was built with a love of the night and the unquiet coffin." -Stephen King

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katharine Hepburn

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -Bill Cosby

"I've got tons of ideas. Problem is, most of them suck." -George Carlin

"Life is a series of dogs." -George Carlin

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music". -George Carlin

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" -Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". -Oscar Wilde

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky

"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got" -Garth Brooks

"For those who understand, no explaination is needed...For those who don't, none will do." - Jerry Lewis

"Ya gots to work with what you gots to work with." - Stevie Wonder

"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing." -Jessica Alba

"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever." -Jim Carrey

"Being a celebrity is probably the closest to being a beautiful woman as you can get." -Kevin Costner

"I have to remind my dad, 'Journalists-no matter how many cigars they smoke with you-are not your friends, so don't talk to them." -Cameron Diaz

"A bit of lusting after someone does wonders for the skin." -Elizabeth Hurley

"Boredom is a great motivator." -Uma Thurman

"I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too." -Liv Tyler

"Good judgement comes from experience. Sometimes, experience comes from bad judgement." -Christian Slater

"Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higher the fences get." -Kevin Spacey

"I want a sandwich named after me." -Jon Stewart

"I really lived life to its fullest and that got me in trouble from time to time." -Matthew Perry

"Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend." -Lucy Liu

"I identify with women more than men. I guess I have a strong feminine side." -Lenny Kravitz

"My whole goal is to keep my spirit intact. If that doesn't happen, none of this is worth it." –Jewel

"I was always told I was special. And I was also assured that I had a gift and a purpose." -Ashley Judd

"Only a genius can play a fool." -Michael Rapaport

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special." -Chris Rock

"Give me a museum and I'll fill it." -Pablo Picasso

"But I refuse to believe that I am a better actor than myself." -Jim Carrey

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -Walt Disney

"If I haven't thought about six impossible things before breakfast, I consider the day wasted." -Walt Disney

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Walt Disney

"Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning." -Samuel L. Jackson

"Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the Best." -Frank Zappa

"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." -Robin Williams

"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work." -Al Capone

"It's better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep." -Benito Mussollini

"A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want." -Madonna

"I wish people could acheive what they think would bring them happiness in order for them to realize that that's not what happiness really is." -Alanis Morisette

"The key to immortality, is living a life which is worth to be remembered." -Bruce Lee

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." -Marilyn Monroe

"I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see." -Jimi Hendrix

"One man with courage is a majority." - Thomas Jefferson

"No one knows my ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time." -John Steinbeck

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." -Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"Communism won't work because people like to own stuff." -Frank Zappa

"A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing." -Oscar Wilde

"Poor is a state of mind. Broke is a state of wallet. You can fix being broke; it's not so easy to fix being poor." -Ric Edelman

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." -Scott Adams

"An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come." -Victor Hugo

"I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend unto death your right say it." -Voltaire

"Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others." -Winston Churchill

"Time is the coin of life. Only you can determine how it will be spent." -Carl Sandburg

"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula a postero." = "Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow." -Horace

"Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity." -Robin Williams

"A lot of people approach risk as if it's the enemy when it's really fortune's accomplice." -Sting

"Chaos in the midst of chaos is not funny, but chaos in the midst of order is funny." -Steve Martin

"I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment." -Willem Dafoe

"When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half minutes of your life." -Richard Lewis

"Brilliance is like four-wheel drive: it enables a person to get stuck in even more remote places." -Garrison Keillor

"Passion, not pedigree, will win in the end." -Jon Bon Jovi

"The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision something, you can do it." -Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance." -Dave Barry

"I've never believed in measuring one's worth by the size of his or her bank account. I prefer to look at distance traveled." -Dan Rather

"A lot of our imports come from other countries. No $hit, J!" -Robin Williams, "Live on Broadway"

"Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it." -George Carlin

"He is dead now, but he meant well." -George Carlin

"What? Is the world gonna end again? Because I have this huge research paper to do, and if the world's gonna end, I'm just not gonna bother." -Cordelia, "Buffy The Vampire Slayer-Helpless"

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." -Spike, "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

"'Hmm. Could be trouble. We should build a fort.' 'Right. I'll get some pillows.'" -Riley and Adam, "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

"No, I'm not mad. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way." -Riley, "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." -Yogi Berra

"You can get old pretty young if you don't take care of yourself." -Yogi Berra

"It gets later earlier here." -Yogi Berra

"The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated." -Mark Twain

"Yes! Wait...no." -GIR, Invader Zim

"Women. You can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts." -Norm, "Cheers"

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with the problems longer." -Albert Enstein

"The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy." -Angelina Jolie

"Great music's as much about the space in between the notes as it is about the notes themselves." -Sting

"No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, "Hey man, women are crazy," you've got a friend." -Chris Rock

"Every success is usually an admission ticket to a new set of decisions." -Henry Kissinger

"I never feel lonely in the kitchen. Food is very friendly." -Julia Child

"It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back." -Mick Jagger

"The ideal structure for a family is one that remains so." -Jacquelyn Mitchard

"All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar." -Cathy Guisewite

"Happy is harder than money. Anybody who thinks money will make you happy, hasn't got money." -David Geffen

"As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler." -Calvin Trillin

"The talk you hear about adapting to change is not only stupid, it's dangerous. The only way you can manage change is to create it." -Peter Drucker

"I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go." -Rita Rudner

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -Drew Carey

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -Rod Stewart

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." -Jeff Foxworthy

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." -Robin Williams

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." -Dave Barry

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?" -Marilyn Pittman

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." -Bob Ettinger

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." -Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh." -Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner." -Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" -Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." -Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law." -Jerry Seinfeld

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?" -Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." -Oscar Wilde

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress ... But I repeat myself." -Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan." -A. Whitney Brown

"Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word, meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." -Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -Billy Crystal

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" -Dave Barry