~Other Parts~

Here is another good section-the funny/stupid section. This will pretty much be the section that gets everything that doesn't fit into any other section. Oh well....here you go.

"Ignorance is not bliss. Bliss is ignorance of one's ignorance." -Insert Quip Here

"We squirrels laugh at you in secret, you know." -Foamy from 'Neurotically Yours'

"Someone should stab you in the eye with a really hot french fry." –Foamy from 'Neurotically Yours'

"Extra medication for all!" -Pillz-E from 'Neurotically Yours'

"…looks like someone done threw a sharpie at your eyeball!" -The Hatta' from 'Neurotically Yours'

"MATCHES!!!! Fire…on a stick…." -Foamy from 'Neurotically Yours'

"What's this about squirrels and acid? Let me tell you, dissolving a squirrel is a lot more work that you'd think." -'Pintsize', from Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net)

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

"The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage." -J. Jacques, 'Questionable Content' (www.questionablecontent.net)

"Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer." -J. Jacques, 'Questionable Content' (www.questionablecontent.net)

"Insanity: A perfect rational adjustment to an insane world." -R. D. Lang

"It's easy to write one's memoirs when one has a terrible memory." -Arthur Schnitzler

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -Frank Lloyd Wright

"I don't use a typewriter, I write longhand, with a pencil. Essentially I'm a horizontal writer. I think better when I'm lying down." -Truman Capote

"Cheaters aren't cheaters, they are just high risk players." -Tony DiStefano

"I don't cheat, I play by my own rules." -Tony DiStefano

"Yesterday mail! For when you need it there before you send it." -Foamy, 'Neurotically Yours'

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." -Random email

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." -Random email

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." -Random email

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism." -Random email

"He who hesitates is probably right." -Random email

"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with." -Random email

"No one is listening until you make a mistake." -Random email

"Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view." -Random email

"The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it." -Random email

"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." -Random email

"The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach." -Random email

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research." -Random email

"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles." -Random email

"Two wrongs are only the beginning." -Random email

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive." -Random email

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." -Random email

"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life." -Random email

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." -Random email

"There is two things that tickle the fancy of our citizens, one is let him act on a committee, and the other is promise to let him walk in a parade. What America needs is to get more mileage out of our parades."  Will Rogers

"I still miss my ex. But my aim's improving." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"Consciousness- that confusing place between naps." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"Your failure to adequately plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"Wife and Dog missing- Reward for Dog." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"Driver carries no money- He's married." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"They can send me to college, but they can't make me learn." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"He who dies with the most toys wins still dies." -Random bumper sticker spotted by my parents

"Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas." -Random mug in store

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the lousy other two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them." -Lily Tomlin

"Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'." -Michael McClary

"An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations." -Charles de Montesquieu

"I am free from all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." -W. C. Fields

"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." -Doug Larson

"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather." -Michael Pritchard

"If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect." -Ted Turner

"Beyond this place there be dragons." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." -Robert Frost

"You never see a fish on the wall with it's mouth shut." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"You can fool some of the people all of the time. And you can fool all of the people some of the time. But you can't fool Mom." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"What the large print giveth,

the small print taketh away." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"If life's a journey, let's make it a hay ride." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Comfort the afflicted. Afflict the comfortable." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Drive for show. Putt for dough. Shank for comic relief." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Grad school is the snooze button on the clock radio of life." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Creativity always dies a quick death in rooms that house conference tables." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"And God said, "What are you waiting for, a sign? Grab a beer!"" -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"A lawyer unpaid is justice denied." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Hasten to laugh at everything lest you be obliged to weep." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"Lease your soul to the devil and save." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"If lightning is the sign of a vengeful God, the Lord's got it in for golfers." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque

"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist." -'Words of Wisdom' door plaque 

"My favorite food is seconds." -Jack Astor's menu

"This recipe is silly. It says to separate 2 eggs, but it doesn't say how far apart." -Jack Astor's menu

"Never eat more than you can lift." -Jack Astor's menu

"Some say the glass is half empty- some say the glass is half full. I say, are you going to drink that?" -Jack Astor's menu

"I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hampster." -Jack Astor's menu

"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier." -Jack Astor's menu

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -Jack Astor's menu

"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There's no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra 3 years in the geriatric ward." -Jack Astor's menu

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years, she server the family only leftovers. We never found the original meal." -Jack Astor's menu

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're ok, it's you." -Jack Astor's menu

"He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news." -Jack Astor's menu

"Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday nighht instead of one a day just isn't going to get the job done." -Jack Astor's menu

Part of the secret to success is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out on the inside." -Jack Astor's menu

"Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was." -Jack Astor's menu

"Anybody can make you enjoy the first bite of a dish, but only a real chef can make you enjoy the last." -Jack Astor's menu

"I can resist everything except temptation." -Jack Astor's menu

"Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and husbands." -Jack Astor's menu

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." -Jack Astor's menu

"Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet." -Jack Astor's menu

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." -Jack Astor's menu

"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and other days you are the statue." -Jack Astor's menu

"The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made." -Jack Astor's menu

"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." -Jack Astor's menu

"Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef." -Jack Astor's menu

"If fish is brain food, why are sharks so stupid?" -Jack Astor's menu

"My opinions have changed, but not the fact that I am right." -Jack Astor's menu

"Nobody's last words have ever been 'I wish I had eaten more rice cakes'." -Jack Astor's menu

"I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food." -Jack Astor's menu

"Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing." -Jack Astor's menu

"If you want your spouse to pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep." -Jack Astor's menu

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." -Jack Astor's menu

"All my life, I wanted to be somebody. No I see that I should have been more specific." -Jack Astor's menu

"Experience is that wonderful thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." -Jack Astor's menu

"Some say the glass is half full. Others say the bartender is slacking." -Jack Astor's menu

"Go ahead. Have dessert. It's not like the rest of the meal was lo-cal." -Jack Astor's menu

"Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die." -Jack Astor's menu

"If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might as well stay home." -Jack Astor's menu

"I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad I never knew my real ladder." -Jack Astor's menu

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Jack Astor's menu

"What are three words guaranteed to humiliate men anywhere? 'Hold my purse.' ." -Jack Astor's menu

"What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others." -Jack Astor's menu

"I drink to make other people interesting." -Jack Astor's menu

"Marriage is when a man and a woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one." -Jack Astor's menu

"If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." -Unknown

"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I'd blame you." -Unknown

"Want some cheese with that whine?" -Unknown

"I know I'm a queen because my pantyhose say so." -Unknown

"You don't have to be a zoologist to recognize a jackass." -Unknown

"I cleaned my house last week-sorry you missed it." -Unknown

"Sir, it's a felony to tease the order box." -Krusty Burger worker

"Sometimes I get a bad headache, like my head is in a vice. And then it turns out that's exactly the problem." -Ajax

"Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." -Jayne Cobb

"If wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak." -Jayne Cobb

"Ah, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package. How efficient of you." -Londo Mollari

"Somebody stole Santa? That does NOT ROCK!" -Gene Simmons

"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." -Zoe

"Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later." -Farnsworth

"I've got back to a time when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos!" -Homer Simpson

"Boy, I've never seen him so down. Or ever before." -Scruffy

"Insane theories, one; regular theories, a billion." -Fry

"Take that, 1950's society!" -Peter Griffin

"All right boys, I want you to scream real loud at my ass." -the guy that owns the bike shop

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you never see a smart women with a dumb guy." -Erica Jong

"If who I am is what I have and what I have is lost, then who am I?" -Unknown

"Maybe for once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "You're making a scene"." -Homer Simpson

"I hope that life isn't just a big joke because I don't get it." -Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." -Lord Darkhelmet, "Spaceballs"

"What's another word for thesaurus?" -Stephen Wright

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." -Homer Simpson

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours." -Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -Rita Rudner

"I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters." -Susie Loucks

"This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.' I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'" -Judy Tenuta

"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant." -Carol Leifer

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Wendy Liebman

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth." -Erma Bombeck

"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -Gilda Radner

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." -Roseanne

"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -Sue Kolinsky

"I look just like the girls next door...if you happen to live next door to an amusement park." -Dolly Parton

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?" -Wendy Liebman

"I think-therefore I'm single." -Lizz Winstead

”You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” –Tholznercest

”If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it – now be quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers!” –Homer Simpson

”Cowabunga!” –Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

”If you’re too cool for the cool crowd, does that make you a loser?” –Jenna Even

”All you need to wear is tube socks and underwear.” –Sexy Manbeast

”Light a fire for someone, and they will be warm for a day. Light them on fire, and they’ll be warm for the rest of their life.” –Unknown

”There is nothing wrong with a Fairy Deck and if you say there is to my face, face the wrath of my Wingweaver.” –Stacy Przybysz

”I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.” –Homer Simpson

”Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.” –Family Guy’s Stewie

”I’m opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.” –Mark Twain

“Going cold turkey isn’t as delicious as it sounds.” –Homer J. Simpson

" ." -Silent Bob/Kevin Smith

"Invention, my dear friend is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple." -Willy Wonka

"Who knew, all it takes is a good pair of shoes!" -Cinderella

"Curiosity killed the cat, but the monkey gets away with murder. You may laugh because I'm weird, I laugh because you're all normal." -Unknown

"Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car." -Unknown

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!" -Homer, 'The Simpsons'

"Bring me my monacle, I want to look rich." -Space Ghost

"I think I speak for all of us when I say...'When's the ice cream going to get here.'" -Homer, 'The Simpsons'

"It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen." -Homer, 'The Simpsons'

"A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle. not everything in black and white makes sense." -Guinness

"I saved Latin. What did you ever do?" -Rushmore

"I'm related to a psychopath, and my role model is in therapy." -Macy Gray

"You nonconformists are all alike." -Kayla S.'s sticker

"Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors." -Kayla S.'s sticker

"It's people like you that make me realize how special I am." -Keychain spotted by Samantha A.

"HA! HA! HA! I don't get it." -Keychain spotted by Samantha A.

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself." -Keychain spotted by Samantha A.

"Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to put the bodies." -Spencer's sticker

"I bought a box of animal crackers, and it said on it, 'Do not eat if seal is broken.' So I opened up the box, and sure enough..." -Brian Kiley

"It's hard to make New Year's resolutions when you're already perfectly behaved." -Judith Martin

"To be a professional comic, all you need is a sport jacket and a bad childhood." -Jeffrey Ross

"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is." -P.J. O'Rourke

"You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish." -Jerry Seinfeld

"I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you, they do it so nicely!" -Josephine Baker

"How can you govern a country that has 247 different kinds of cheese?" -Charles de Gaulle

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French. I never do succeed in making those idiots understand their language." -Mark Twain

"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." -Martin Mull

"Nowadays they say you need a special chip to put in the TV so kids can't watch this and that. In my day, we didn't need a chip. My mom was the chip. End of story." -Ray Charles

"If high-heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." -Sue Grafton

"If you want to forget all your troubles, wear shoes that are too tight." -Unknown

"We never actually grow up...We just learn how to act in public!" -Unknown

"I thought I had mono for a year...Turns out I was just really bored." -Wayne Campbell

"If at first you don't succeed...Just give up!" -Jack Astor's menu

"Everytime I walk into a department store, I can hear Mom's wise words...'Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'" -Jack Astor's menu

"I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe." -Jack Astor's menu

"You know you're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster." -Jack Astor's

"Laughing is like jogging on the inside." -Jack Astor's menu

"It's bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips!" -Jack Astor's menu

"I never forget a face! But in your case, I'll make an exception." -Jack Astor's menu

"Food comes first, then morals." -Jack Astor's menu

"If you remain calm, you just don't have all the facts!" -Jack Astor's menu

"The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight...By then, your body and your fat are really good friends!" -Jack Astor's menu

"What you eat standing up doesn't count!" -Jack Astor's menu

"Life is a combination of magic and pasta." -Jack Astor's menu

"Never eat more than you can lift." -Jack Astor's menu

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk!" -Jack Astor's menu

"If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you better be referring to his beer." -Jack Astor's menu

"Never hesitate to reach for the last slice of pizza or the last beer...But never both. That's just plain mean." -Jack Astor's menu

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." -Unknown

"All of my friends and I are crazy, that's what keeps us sane." -Unknown

"If there's just one thing I've learned, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you wish Flanders was dead." -Homer Simpson

"If you're going to do something tonight that you're going to regret in the morning, sleep late." -Unknown

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." -Bugs Bunny

"It's kinda hard to take a math test when you're seeing orange squirrels." -Walter W. Quinn III

"I have lots of friends. You just can't see them." -Submitted by Sam A.

"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them." -Yogi Berra

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they will not go to yours." -Yogi Berra

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -Yogi Berra

"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical." -Yogi Berra

"You wouldn't have won if we had beaten you." -Yogi Berra

"It's like deja vu all over again." -Yogi Berra

"Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford." -Cindy Crawford

"It's important to watch what you eat. Otherwise, how are you going to get it into your mouth ?" -Matt Diamond

"All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening." -Alexander Woollcott

"The devil came to me last night and asked what I wanted in exchange for my soul. I still can't believe I said pizza. Friggin' cravings." -Marc Ostroff

"I love my house...It's around here somewhere." -Quote spotted by Samantha A.

"Don't play dumb with me...I'm better at it." -Tagline

"As I said before, I will not repeat myself." -Tagline

"There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't." -Tagline

"Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!" -Tagline

"I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?" -Tagline

"No amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck." -Tagline

"If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody." -Tagline

"The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action." -Tagline

"Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you." -Tagline

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." -Tagline

"Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there." -Tagline

"Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!" -Tagline

"No self-respecting villian would ever be caught using the word 'lollipop'." -Artemis Fowl

"I've found him!...I've got Jesus in the trunk!" -George Carlin's bumper sticker

"If you have a hammer then everything looks like a nail." -Anonymous

"A day without sunshine is like night." -Bumper sticker

"He who hesitates is not only lost, he missed the exit." -Bumper sticker

"Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list." -Bumper sticker

"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?" -Bumper sticker

"Do no adjust your mind, the fault is with reality." -Bumper sticker

"Don't steal! The government hates competition." -Bumper sticker

"He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged." -Bumper sticker

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory." -Bumper sticker

"I never worry when I get lost...I just change where I want to go." -Bumper sticker

"If progress means to move forward, what does congress mean?" -Bumper sticker

"If we quit voting, will they all go away?" -Bumper sticker

"NOTHING is foolproof with a sufficiently talented fool." -Bumper sticker

"Some people are alive simply because it's illegal to kill them." -Bumper sticker

"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese." -Anonymous

"To steal from one is plagiorism. To steal from many is research." -Anonymous

Where are we going- and why am I in this handbasket?" -Bumper sticker

"Optimist-glass is half full. Pessimist- glass is half empty. Analyst- you have two times more glass that you need." -Anonymous

"Nothing tests your ethics like selling a used car." -Linda Holland

"God made man because he loves stories." -Elie Wiesel

"And what are the chances that an elf is going to leap out of my desk and spit cider in my ear?" -Arthur, "Law And Order"

"If you can still walk, order more." -Buffalo Wild Wings tray

""Stop, Drop and Roll" doesn’t really work when your innards are on fire." –Buffalo Wild Wings cup

"I’m not just ‘a’ cup. I’m your cup. Hold me." –Buffalo Wild Wings cup

"Socrates once said, "I drank what?" -Online person's ending quote

"Congratulations! You've won a million dollars AND A GOAT!" -The Game Of Life for the PC

"You know what, Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you." -Ron, "Harry Potter and The Chamber Of Secrets"

"Those who are different change the world, those who are the same keep it that way." -Hot Topic sticker

"Cheese is good." -Hot Topic sticker

People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage others." -Hot Topic sticker

"I'm a freak. Touch Me!" -Hot Topic sticker

"Any connections between your reality and mine are PURELY COINCIDENTAL." -Hot Topic sticker

"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out." -Hot Topic sticker

"I just got a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it." -Hot Topic sticker

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." -Unknown

"Advice for the day:If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"." -Unknown

"Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken." -Unknown, presumed deceased

"Read the entire rule book. If a rule isn't there, you can't get into trouble for it." -Bridgette DeKraker

"It feels good to take out anger on lockers." -Daniel Feldman

"Just do your time and get out on good behavior." -Dave Aiken

"Don't stick paper clips in outlets." -Eric Glover

"Frag 'em." -Rob Piccoli

"It's smooth sailing until you piss off a teacher." -Ashely Stiles

"It's only a crime if you get caught." -Dave Aiken

"It's all fun and games until someone commits genocide." -John Riccio

"Lockers aren't comfortable places." -Bridgette DeKraker

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -Elayne Boosler

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnessicary freezing of water." -Carl Reiner

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled." -Unknown